The photo in the newspaper is grainy, your typical surveillance camera shot. The individual is wearing a hooded sweatshirt, his face completely obscured from view. Even the logo on the sweatshirt is almost completely indecipherable. In fact, the only thing clear in the entire image is the word “ICE” printed across the front of the twelve-pack of beer the guy has tucked under his right arm.

The report states that police responded to an intrusion alarm at 1:53 AM, February 21. Upon arrival, they discovered that the suspect had gained entry to our local independent grocery store through the roof and had left through the front door, and the only thing taken in the burglary was a twelve-pack of beer. The cooler case is stacked full of Sam Adams. There are various craft brews, like Clay Pipe and Magic Hat. Hell, there’s a liquor aisle ten feet away with several single malt scotches, a handful of top dollar tequilas, and an impressive range of wines. But this enterprising 18 to 22 year old went to all the trouble of scaling a building and breaking in through the roof for a single twelve-pack of a beer with the word ICE on the box. And considering he probably had three accomplices waiting for him in the woods behind the store, the payoff doesn’t seem worth the effort.

Go figure.